Cultural Institution Blesok • Established 1998
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ISSN 1409-6900 | UDK 82+7     Blesok no. 19 | volume IV | February-March, 2001



                     Peer-reviewed journal
Blesok no. 19February-March, 2001


p. 1
Snežana Bukal

    The first that I recall was seeing them in my dreams and that in the beginning they didn’t disturb my sleep. On the contrary, I looked forward to them, although you could sense in that happiness the seed of a future pain. They tied me with invisible threads to what once was, to what used to be the life I once shared with those who exist no more, never suspecting it would all become a magma of memories, deceptive, heavy and unreachable in a time that was yet to come. In the morning I would think it was just a dream, a lie, a fog, a web, nothing, and I would calmly begin the day whose monotonous, predictable emptiness was yet easier to bear. During the day I would slowly unwind my dreams. I would sit on some park bench during my lunch-hour, with a view of the canal and flocks of birds to which I would throw the pieces of old bread I always carried in my black rucksack. I was calm, filled with that dreamy fullness in which everything existed and in which I, the dreamer who I do not see but feel, strangely, was always not only younger, constantly at the beginning of something, but also whole, rounded, filled with life. I might smile at some detail from my dream. Or I might sink into thoughts from which I would be woken by the horn of a passing ship, or the bell of a nearby church that would ring twice, a sign that it was time for me to return.
    I no longer remember when they moved from my dreams into my life, my waking life. They first inhabited the area at the corners of my vision, the area prone to evasion, without me having noticed it. This didn't happen at once, but gradually, during slow mind motions, in light acceptance that what my eyes saw really did exist. As soon as I'd see them, they would vanish: pale faces in a passing train; a man standing motionless by the track; a woman I once knew disappearing behind a street corner before I can catch up with her.

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